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Some collegiate humor from HumorNet
Elizabeth Vance (epoland@OSF1.GMU.EDU)
Sun, 3 Mar 1996 23:47:34 -0500
> Opener (above) Copyright 1996 by Vincent Sabio
> Permission is hereby granted to forward or post this "Collage";
> please observe the guidelines stated at the end of the message.
> ____________________________________________________________________
>
> SUBJ: Top Ten Reasons Why Studying is Better Than Sex
>
> 10. You can usually find someone (anyone!!!) to do it with.
>
> 9. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick up
> where you left off.
>
> 8. You can finish early without feelings of guilt or shame.
>
> 7. When you open a book, you don't have to worry about who else has
> opened it.
>
> 6. A little coffee and you can do it all night.
>
> 5. If you don't finish a chapter, you won't gain a reputation as a
> "Book Teaser."
>
> 4. You can do it, eat and watch T.V. all at the same time.
>
> 3. You don't get embarrassed if your parents interrupt you in the
> middle.
>
> 2. You don't have to put your beer down to do it.
>
> 1. If you aren't sure what you're doing, you can always ask your
> roommate for help!
>
> ========================< H U M O U R N E T >=======================
>
> SUBJ: Top Ten Subtle Differences Between Carnegie-Mellon University
> and Hell
> (From the back of a locally-brewed T-shirt)
>
> 10. It doesn't rain in Hell.
>
> 9. Everyone has heard of Hell.
>
> 8. It's more fun getting into Hell.
>
> 7. You can't fail out of Hell.
>
> 6. At least you can sleep in Hell.
>
> 5. Hell is forever, CMU just seems like it.
>
> 4. People smile in Hell.
>
> 3. You only have to sell your soul to get into Hell.
>
> 2. You know there are hot women in Hell.
>
> 1. You wouldn't tell a friend to go to CMU.
>
> ========================< H U M O U R N E T >=======================
>
> SUBJ: How to Perk Up a Boring Lecture
> By Rocky Kassos
>
> 1. Bring a blowhorn. Use it when you ask or answer a question.
>
> 2. Hire a video crew to come to the class. If asked about it, say
> that you have to tape the lecture for a friend.
>
> 3. Bring a water gun. Shoot the professor when his back is turned.
>
> 4. Get the other students in your row to do the wave.
>
> 5. Bring a small chalkboard to class. Ask the professor if you can
> borrow his chalk to take notes.
>
> 6. Contradict everything the professor says. Offer irrefutable
> scientific proof.
>
> 7. When the professor asks a question, raise your hand. If the
> professor calls on you, point to someone in the next row and say "He
> knows." Pick a different person each time.
>
> 8. Bring a typewriter. Use it to take notes.
>
> 9. Write a love note. Sign it "a secret admirer." Get someone to
> pass it to the professor.
>
> 10. Get up to go to the bathroom five or six times during the
> class. Change clothes every time.
>
> 11. Buy a watermelon. Give it to the professor. If he asks,
> say "They were out of apples."
>
> 12. Bring a small tape player. Play a tape of the previous
> lecture. Take notes on both.
>
> 13. Pretend to be asleep until five minutes before the end of
> class. Then wake up and explain that you missed the lecture, and
> ask the professor to summarize what he talked about.
>
> 14. Bring a fully-stocked picnic basket to class. Explain that you
> didn't have time to eat breakfast.
>
> ========================< H U M O U R N E T >=======================
>
> SUBJ: One Helluva Student Loan
>
> Not even the Weimar Republic ever saw such incredible inflation.
> Canadian Press reported that Michael Langille, a university student
> from Halifax received notice in August of this year that his monthly
> payments are totalled $365,395,413,965.06 -- on a loan worth
> $10,162.
>
> "I figured they were trying to get me to pay off Canada's debt
> instead of my own," Langille said. His father upon being informed,
> was concerned that family budget wouldn't be able to fund the $365
> billion debt.
>
> Fortunately, Langille wasn't expected to make the payment. "This
> appears to be a typographical error," said CIBC National Student
> Centre spokesman Rob Mcleod. "We are going to investigate it and
> get a correct letter out to Mr. Langille."
>
> ********************************************************************
> </collage226>
>
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