A Poll on Chairman Newt (fwd)

Douglas B Hanson (dhanson@WORLD.STD.COM)
Mon, 13 Mar 1995 08:31:15 -0500

Newt on Male Behavior: An Informal Poll

Real Life Thoughts from Newt:

"If combat means living in a ditch, females have biological problems
staying in a ditch for thirty days because they get infections and they
don't
have upper body strength. I mean, some do, but they're relatively rare. On
the other hand, men are basically little piglets, you drop them in the
ditch,
they roll around in it, doesn't matter, you know. These things are very
real.
On the other hand, if combat means being on an Aegis-class cruiser managing
the computer controls for twelve ships and their rockets, a female may be
again dramatically better than a male who gets very, very frustrated
sitting
in a chair all the time because males are biologically driven to go out and
hunt giraffes."

-- Adjunct Professor Newt Gingrich, Reinhardt College, January 7, 1995,
"Renewing American Civilization."

The following is a letter making Internet e-mail rounds to Rep. Newt
Gingrich
from Fresno Bee reporter John Scalzi. It includes an informal poll Scalzi
conducted on Newt's remarks about -- and astonishing misunderstanding of --
typical male behavior.

Dear Mr. Gingrich:
My name is John Scalzi, and I am a columnist for the Fresno Bee in
Fresno, California. In the days since the unearthing of your comments about
men, women, combat, and the biological drive for men to hunt giraffes, I
have
taken it upon myself to conduct a poll to see whether that innate
giraffe-hunting urge (and the little piglet wallowing urge) is in fact
alive
and well in the average American male.
While the sample polled is statistically small (50 men, basically
whomever was
handy at the time) and largely comprised of white, college-educated,
gainfully employed males, I nevertheless feel that the information gleaned
from this poll will be of some value to someone, somewhere, some time.
Perhaps you yourself, should the subject of instinctual giraffe
slaughtering
come up again. Certainly for me, as it takes up the bulk of my column, to
be
published soon.

Thank you for your time, and happy hunting and/or wallowing, whichever the
case may be.

1. Have you ever hunted a giraffe?
Yes: 0%
No: 100%
2. Have you ever had the urge to hunt a giraffe?
Yes:4%
No: 96%
3. Provided the right tools and the time, would you hunt a giraffe?
Yes: 8%
No: 92%
4. If not a giraffe, would you hunt another African savannah animal?
Yes: 20%
No: 80%
5. If you had to hunt an African savannah animal, which of the following
would you choose?
a) Zebra: 2%
b) Rhino: 6%
c) Meerkat: 12%
d) Boar: 42%
e) Any creature that appeared in "The Lion King": 36%
6. Do you think giraffe would taste like chicken?
Yes: 38%
No: 62%
7. Might it not make more sense not to hunt giraffe, but rather to set up
giraffe ranches?
Yes: 92%
No: 8%
8. When you see Geoffrey, the Toys 'R' Us giraffe, do you ever get the urge
to stick him with a spear?
Yes: 40%
No: 60%
9. Do you expect that Newt Gingrich has ever had the urge to hunt a
giraffe?
Yes: 74%
No: 26%
10. If Newt Gingrich were to hunt a giraffe, would he use tools, or simply
his own mouth?
Tools: 48%
Mouth: 52%
11. Would you rather hunt a giraffe, or wallow in a ditch like a little
piglet?
Hunt: 30%
Wallow: 70%
12. Would you generally describe yourself as a little piglet?
Yes: 22%
No: 78%
13. Would you describe Newt Gingrich as a little piglet?
Yes: 54%
No: 46%
14. If you could, would you hunt Newt Gingrich?
Yes: 58%
No: 42%
15. Would Newt Gingrich taste like chicken?
Yes: 18%
No: 82%