panfroggish inadequacy--essential, natural, or genetic?

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Adamantine as the chiRock's posture appears, heedless of opprobrium tied
to tails of deadcats flung in his direction by the balance of the species,
and herewith we reject, in the interest of parsimony (a gesture to froggish
national-character traits), elsewise bandwidth, the gray-slug-alien-sexual-
abuse-defilement hypothesis adduced from the sacred precincts of the Harvard
Medical School, be it noted that the chiRock's most indubitably heavily class-
laden (to excess, most believe) predecessor heartily (figuratively speaking,
as who can imagine regal Francois doing anything literally heartily) endorsed
the Bigger Bang in the offing. The entire colurless political spectrum, from
Rightist Socialist to Rightist DysPopulist is implicated; and this, I submit,
from a Deep Feeling of Experienced Need.

Froggies, nationally speaking, were latecomers among thermonuclear white
nations. The Glorious Charles V-er [Republique] euphemized it as "force de
frappe," redolent of the usage, peculiar to Boston MA and vicinity for
"milk shake." Today, with our proliferation of Special Ed, one of the
very numerous offspring of the late great Ed The Talking Horse howbeit
unique among them for never having started at Aqueduct, we have many new,
neologistic, and if I mey be as contemporary as two years ago, *cutting
edge*, words, phrases, and locutions, mostly diagnostic, for what this
amounts to.

1. Thermonuclearly Challenged. Associated with overcompensatory tendencies
in adolescence or corresponding period in Later Life. Patients diagnosed with
this condition are those who, typically, fail to ring The Bell Curve at all.
2. Developmental Thermonuclear Disorder. Performance below grade level in
a Grande Ecole, or something, in academically pardon the expression -oriented
Program in Thermonuclear Weapons Development inclusive of Delivery Systems,
symptomatology also subsuming absolute megatonnage deficiencies and yields
tending to increase at a rate slower than those of rival thermonuclear
powers, the latter construed as a matter of course the only National Enemies
worth fighting in time of La Patrie En Danger!
Selective dullwittedness in the above is considered to satisfy the research
diagnostic criteria for Developmental Thermonuclear Disorder if and only if
said sluggish thermonuclear progress in school and in later life is marked
by a very high Discrepancy Score from the Expected Grade Level yielded by
application of a fudge factor familiar to holders of the Ed.D. degree to
the relevant subtest scores on the Soundly Rung Bell Curve.
3. Attention Deficit Disorder. Associated with performance below weapons
grade level in any academic pursuit whatsoever, and quite rightly treated
with appropriately massive doses of amphetamines sufficient to induce La
Guerre a l'Outrance.
4. The Linguistic Maginot Line Hypothesis. In certain circles (if you
recall, from when this writer was alive, these included the support group,
Paranoids For Total Fear; the anonymous authors of A History of the Paranoid
Peoples; and the very numerous marchers in the annual Paranoid Pride Parade
had they been told where it was to be held), the guesswork is gathering
momentum that those of the froggish persuasion will Stop At Nothing in
defensive posturation on behalf of the "purity" of the language. It is
suggested as alternative, for starters, that once they've paid back the
loanwords, with accrued interest, from Visigothic, said debt incurred from
the grant of *foederati* status to Euric I circa 412 to the death of Euric II
in 507 at Vouille at the hands, personally, I think, of Chlodovech (Clovis)
and consequent disappearance of the Kingdom of Toulouse behind the Pyrenees
where it belonged, we will stop dumping franglais neologisms on them below
production costs.
Another school of thought has it that it'd be easier for them to essay
restoration of the purity of women. Whatever that was.

RACISM NOTICE: It is the sole duty and responsibility of the sorely missed
Stephanie J. Nelson, or is it Dr J. Nelson, by this time? to judge, evaluate,
adjudicate, and punish racist remarks in the foregoing, in keeping with her
long-remembered, deliciously and wickedly clever pronouncement that she
alone was qualified to judge whether I was or am Serious or Kidding; and
what could be more certain that I was not?

Ah, Stephanie, during my long-since-hardly-even-thought-about time on
Earth, you made me happier than any I called, stupidly, "friends"; you
alone, to sink to nadir of the unoriginal, cared enough to give me the
very best. Not of your very best, but the very best I got. However that's
to be taken, as I haven't the slightest idea.

Daniel A. Foss

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