Revelation, Insight, Waking Dream, Hallucination

J Wilson (G1824303@NMSUVM1.BITNET)
Sat, 22 Jan 1994 09:38:52 EST

When I was about ten years old, I had what I called my "God" experience. I
was sitting under a pecan tree on the grass. I remember that the grass was
vibrantly green, a tender hue. Suddenly I was somewhere, nowhere. All I knew
was that I was going to see God. What I first saw was myself -- but more than
the "me" I was aware of. It was past "me"s, future "me"s, the different roads
I might follow. And as suddenly,I saw God was everything: rocks, trees,
sounds, silences, everything.

After the experience, I was tempted to run and share the experience. But past
experiences -- well, the consequences of sharing past experiences of similar
nature -- led me to not share it, at least not for quite a while. I figured
that people might think that I had a God complex -- that I believed I was God.
I certainly didn't want to end up in a state hospital. For me the experience
was a way of informing myself that I had inner resources I wasn't fully aware
of and things in my life could get better (Because of an abusive situation, I
considered suicide as an option for many years.) I did not believe (nor
disbelieve in a divine creator), although I sometimes wished I could as that
would have been a great help in persevering. For me the meanining of the
experience was that what is externalized as "God," may exist within each of us,
a power to continue growing. Was this a revelation, a hallucination, a waking
dream, an insight?

Because I have had many waking dreams (without any benefit of hallucinogens --
as I've had the fear that such might lock me into an altered state), I've
wondered about the effect that one such experience might have on those who have
not grown up with these often potently sensuous "thingies." I'm not surprised
at the obsessive focusing on their "alien encounters," "abducted" individuals
may have. (I'm not totally discounting the possiblity that such did occur, I
just think it is more likely that it was an internal experience.) But, for me,
internal experiences are as valid as external reality.