Shattered Dreams (re: Adjunct thread)

John H. Stevens, Jr. (jhs14@CORNELL.EDU)
Sat, 10 Feb 1996 21:06:56 -0500

Thank you Mike ,Mike, and John, for shattering my dreams!! OK, I *knew* it
warn't no bed o' dissertations out there in adjunct/PT instructor land, but
I thought, "That's OK; I'll get through, work that way for a few years,
acquire some sort of rep., and move on, coming back to teach every once in
awhile." It was a good dream; I wished to eschew the horrors of the tenure
track and a bureaucratic structure that I can barely handle at *this* stage
in my university career (and of course, with my romantic cynic nature,
remain peripheral from a system that I distrusted and that only seems
heading down the tubes). I wasn't interested in going into the business
world (again, been there, done that, really grinded my gears, still respect
the heck outta John McC for being able to function in it and *still* get
published) and wanted a location from which I could do a little research
and prepare for the next step.

Yes, I know, I WAS FOOLING MYSELF!!!! But it would have gotten me through
my diss. . . .

Now, I hear that the Benedictines are looking for a few good men. True,
I've never had first communion, but I'm smart, I like the uniform, altho
I'm sure they'd frown on me playing Tori Amos or Black Flag in my room. . .
.

OK, enough lunacy. This is a really good, thought provoking discussion,
and I react with humor because it frightens me and I must lash out at it (a
friend of mine calls this tendency sarco-masochism), because I *do* want to
teach, and while I hope to position myself for more than one career path
(my cunning plan to somehow do a diss that navigates neatly between applied
and academic stereotypes and would be embraced by a Dean, an NGO
administrator, and the assistant manager at Wendy's),I would like to know
that teaching was not just an option, but a vocation I could pursue without
thinking "Ohmigod, have i been reduced to *this*?!?!?!" But I look at Mike
Cahill's stats (horrible things, facts; just ask Stephen Tyler), Mike
Salovesh's devastating realist narrative (c'mon Mike, realism is *out*,
dude!!), and John McCreery's (actually hopeful, but I choose to ignore that
for the purposes of this essay) thoughts on work and life (I'm just jealous
'cause the Jade Emporer chose him instead of me!!), and what little bit of
naivete and hope that hasn't been beaten out of me shrivels up like cheap
bacon on the sidewalks of Hell. Merde!!! I better start writing those
Tolkein ripoffs now, and come back to school after I make my first million
and turn over the keys to my soul at HarperMcGrawCollinsLittleBrownHill!!
Or maybe that deal with Barry Fell, Eric VonDaniken, and Thor Heyerdahl on
the underwater pyramid starships of the Ancient American Celts.

OK, I lied about "enough lunacy." But hey, if we can have 32 posts on
watchdogs. . . .

Peas, Just Ice, and Free Dumb,

John Stevens
___________ University (deleted by request)


"Meanies never prosper. You can quote me." (Madman)