Re: disappearing fathers

Chuck Coker (cjcoker@CRIS.COM)
Thu, 1 Aug 1996 16:52:27 -0700

david horne wrote:
> When you say "broad community" aren't you really talking about the male
> community? I don't think that you'd get much agreement from women that men
> aren't obligated morally and otherwise to pay their fair share of child
> support. Being responsible is about being responsible not about getting
> "something tangible" in return. Legislation is not any kind of a total
> answer to the problem, but it is a start. If absent fathers would think more
> about the welfare of their children and less about punishing their "ex"
> [which is what this whole issue is really all about] then maybe they could
> be a little more "cheerful" about paying up.

Dear Abby,

This whole thread irritates me. Not necessarily the views, but the whole
issue of government destroying peoples' lives over the almighty dollar.
I have three daughter that are 16 and 16 (twins) and 13. I raised these
children as a single parent. Their mother did not ever visit them, nor
did she ever pay a cent of the court ordered child support. The mother
became strung out on heroin, and then, in 1990, she went to court to get
custody of the kids, and the judge actually said that "children are always
better off with their mothers." (Exact quote, those words are permanently
burned into my brain.) I still do not understand how children can be better
off living with a heroin addict rather than a father that provides a good
home for them. Then to top everything off, the judge said I had to pay
child support, although I had had never received a cent of the court ordered
child support that was supposed to be coming to me between 1983 and 1990.

Like a fool, I dutifully pay the extortion (oops, I mean child support) money
each month. (It goes to the District Attorney's Office.) My ex-wife
disappeared with the three kids in 1992, and I have not seen or heard from
them since. The court refuses to even look into the numerous blantant
violations of the court order, nor have they ever been interested in
enforcing it against her, only against me.

To top all of this off, the Riverside County (California) District Attorney
has decided that they want some money too (I don't know for what) and have
been threatening to throw me in jail for not paying them for several years
now. (I am refusing to pay until someone tells me what the money is for
and why they think I owe it.) I am not that hard to find, so I don't think
they are too serious about carrying out their threats.

They money argument concerning kids is bullshit! A dollar cannot raise a
child properly--especially when that dollar goes to buy heroin. A sober
*parent*, whether male or female, is needed to properly raise a child.

Has it ever occured to anyone that "being responsible" might include
*raising* the kids? Apparently not.

Sign me ...
Fed Up with the Bullshit

PS: At the same time I was found incapable of being a good parent, due to
lack of a vagina, in Riverside County, California, I successfully
adopted a child in San Bernardino County, California. Go figure.