Re: Where's Heaven? (Was, If god exists, what created god?)

Robert Roosen (
Sat, 12 Aug 1995 01:48:56 GMT

: In the old days, when the Earth was still flat and 40 days of rain
: could cover it with water, Heaven was straight up. You could point to
: it. It's written in the Stones.

: Then here comes Galileo, Kepler, Copernicus, and their ilk. Now, up is
: a matter for argument (90 degrees off the Earth's axis, the galactic
: plane of the ecliptic, etc.).

: Which way is up?
By convention, north is up and south is down. So geographic up
and geologic up agree only at the north pole. At the south pole, up is
actually down. Apparently mixing conventions leads to this sort of
confusion. The closest I seem to get to heaven on earth is a hot shower :-)

: What's God's address?

Is it a .gov, .edu, .org or .com operation?

Where is Heaven?
In Southern California, somewhere between Disneyland and Knott's
Berry Farm.

Lots of people go there. How
: long is the ride? Is it on a cloud, like in the pictures? Why don't
: we send a KH-11 over to get pictures of the Pearly Gates? Or is it
: further out?

: Also, our loved ones, and God, watch us constantly. Is it in real
: time, or is there lag for lightspeed delay?

If they use telepathy, it is in real time. Otherwise it is fake time.

: Where is Hell?

Somewhere in East Saint Louis, last time I checked.

I understand that it's below us somewhere. Could we get
: some Marines in asbestos suits to clear the place out?

A fleet of nanotechnological vessels stands the best chance of making it
into the earth's interior. They could launch at Kilauea Volcano in
Hawaii, which is closer to heaven than most places.

Anybody object
: to using nukes on the Devil?

What would be the effect of setting off a nuke near the earth's
center? Better check the side effects before trying that.

Personally, I'd approve.

I do not know that much about him. From all the criticism he has
received, there is probably some sort of good side to him, too. After
what God did to Job to make a point to the devil, I am not sure whether
either of them are that safe to be around.

: Wayne Johnson


PS I liked the scientific explanation of this stuff better when we still
had phlogiston at work on the process.