Re: LUCY: ``Yes, we have no bananas!"

Ed Conrad (
14 Nov 1996 14:38:01 GMT

Michael Clark <> wrote:

>On Mon, 11 Nov 1996, Ed Conrad wrote:

>> To my mind, the ONLY physical anthropologist who possessed scientific
>> integrity in a search for honest answers to legitimate questions about
>> man's origin and ancestry was the late Dr. Earnest A. Hooton, longtime
>> professor of anthropology at Harvard University.
>(T)ed? Do you know any LIVING anthropologists?

Quite frankly, no!
Oh, I do know of some who are still walking and talking because
I see them on TV every once in a while, usually after an ``incredible
discovery" like the time they claimed to have found Little Lucy's
fossilized babushka.

But, unfortunately, as anyone who follows their rather mechanical
straight-from-the-book irrational establishment-protecting commentary
is well aware, they're actually brain dead zombies.

To be honest, I found their unusual condition so intriguing that some
time ago I sought an explanation from Clayton Lennon because of
his expertise in explaining the cause of abnormalities such as this.

Well, let me tell you, Michael, what he told me was was rather
shocking, to say the least.

Apparently, the zombie-like condition is the result of a disconnection
between the brain and another (unmentionable)( part of the body.

It just so happens that the anthropologists' years of abnormal
absorption of nonsensical incorrect data has disrupted the Fornix
Optic Thalmus -- located in the interior of the brain -- and has
adversely affected the rather complex Human Services system.

In turn, it has triggered the spontaneous growth of miniscule
purplish-shaped hourglass-like embers on the north and southeast
walls of the large intestine.

Consequently, nauseous gases usually emitted from the rectum,
accompanied by ``popping" noises but oftimes even louder -- are
required to take a detour to you know where but have no alternative
and have to find a different route.

Amazing as the human body is -- God bless God for creating evolution!
-- they found a way.

Most amazingly, these gases shift to reverse, re-enter the stomach,
bean-stalk up the spinal cord, enter the Limbic Lobe, make a almost
perfect U-turn -- sort of like a Cho Cho coming 'round the mountain --
and enter the Fornix Optiic Thalmus.

It's then that they relocate the entrance to spinal cord, zip down the
bean-stalk, make a bee-line to the oxyntic glands of the stomach and
race like helll to the outer limits of the large intestine where they
finally find the Exit.

I know it sounds incredible, Michael. But, as we both know, truth
indeed IS stranger than fiction.