Tough Questions About Apiths....

Wed, 16 Aug 1995 01:54:08 GMT

Tough Questions About Apiths...

Several months ago I attempted to discuss the demise of the Apith
and no one participated to any degree. My idea was that it
was just too pat to say the Apith could not compete, and that I
somehow felt a more interesting explanation was wanting. It may
have been that everyone was intimidated by Phil Nicholls who roundly
denounced my efforts. Nicholls, straight-line thinker that he is,
wanted no part of notions that did not have the stamp of academia
and fossil evidence. Still, I remain convinced that imagination
plays an important role in discovery.

At some point in the near future we may well exhaust the fossil record.
And, although it may be argued that increases in technology will tell
us more about the material we already have, I cannot help
wondering if we are missing an even more effective method of learning
about the ascent of hominids.

This is, namely, the great "what-if," a term I would now like to dub

No, please do not chuckle... Hear me out...

I say, what if the Apith had survived? What role would he play in our
world today?

How can this teach us anything more about them, you ask?

Think about it...
If rather than spending all our time trying to figure out how he
_lived_, we try to figure out how he'd fit in our world _today_,
our learning would grow in a way it could not before.

Consider this example:

.............."Schools for Apiths".............

: Core Curriculum
: Housing
: Meals/Nutritional Requirements
: Placement

What would be the limit of the Apith's learning ability? In Circuses
bears drive go-carts. Could we teach a Apith to drive, say, a New York
City Taxi (indeed, _are_ Apiths already driving NYC taxies?)

What would be the most suitable method of domiciling a young adult
Apith? Military dormatory setting with bunk beds? Cages? Mobile homes?
(No jokes here, please).

What would we feed Apiths? Bananas? Dogfood? Surf & Turf? (For the
aquatic ones, of course.)

What would be the best way to integrate Apiths into society? State
Employment Offices? City Police Forces? Mcdonald's counter clerks?

So... now that Phil Nicholls has been unceremoniously dismissed from
his work study position at SUNY-Albany, perhaps we can explore such
fun questions without fear or guilt.

Remember, there is more to the mighty Apith than merely the legacy of
the bones. Yes, friends, these extraordinary creatures were far more
than just missing links. They were in fact, our first true mommies
and daddies....